I Forgave, To Be Free

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As we have reached October domestic violence awareness month. I sit and think of my own survival story.

The days of feeling I deserve it, the moments of blame, the feeling that it will get better, the thoughts I’m good enough to change him.

To leaving only to go back with my jar of empty promises of better days. One thing about being abused you find ways to blame yourself, you see the areas you need to fix so that they can be better. Only to never really sit and think that they have the issues.

You take so much because in your taking you feel it will be the therapy and recipe for better days. You try to take all the great days and place them in your memory box, so when the other guy is released you send him back with the memories of the good days.

That day didn’t come and the back and forth didn’t fix it, so the sound of my voice was found, the strength was released, and the will to survive came forth giving me the power to walk away.

In walking away I brought the damaged goods, the pain and the thoughts that they are all bad. I carried the baggage on to the next. He still had power even out of sight.

It wasn’t until I fully forgave that I became free, and the freedom unlocked the value in self that I lost, the worth I never knew I owned, and the will to love after the pain.

So if you looking for freedom it could be held hostage within your forgiveness. You owe it to yourself to break the chains, to break free and live.

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